I never thought that I would write a post like this. I mean I love reading personal posts but I never thought that I would write one myself. Writing is something that I always have enjoyed doing and I am actually also quite good at it in Danish at least. But the fact that I am writing this in English makes it a whole lot harder but I will do my best. Now to the post.
When I first started my blog was it for me to share my interest with people with the same interest. I wanted to share my ideas and my outfits with people who actually would appreciate it. I mean I do have friends who are interested in fashion too but not in the same way. They all have the same style where I dress more according to my mood and the things that are going on in my life. Right now where I am very focused on school I tend to dress kind of businessy because it makes me feel professional and focused. When all the pictures from Coachella started to pop up I was really into the boho chic look. I can’t even count how many times people that I know have told me that I either looked very formal, businesswoman like or feminine. The problem is just that I don’t think that they mean it in a positive way. I wanted a place where people would appreciate other outfits than just sweatshirt, jeans, and sneakers. I wanted a place where I could write whatever I wanted and be completely myself. Most of the people that I know is very judgemental and I didn’t want them to judge me or think that I was silly so I just chose not to tell anyone.
Then a month or so ago my exams started. I had a big pressure on myself because I am going to start high school next year. The Danish school system is a lot different at least from the American school systems that I have seen in movies and we have to apply for high schools and they have to accept us. The school that I was interested in is a self-proclaimed elite “gymnasium” (high school). I worked my butt off because I wanted to do well on my exams and luckily they ended up accepting me which I am so happy about. But after I found out that I was accepted I still had a few more examins left (and I still do) and because I got accepted to the school I worked even harder because I wanted to prove that I deserved it. And at the same time, I also wanted to post on my blog. I ended up using all my time on studying and writing blog posts. I had no social life and I felt so sad all the time. This really made me lose my motivation to blog.
For a long time, I thought that I was the only blogger that hadn’t told my friends and family about my blog until I read Gabrielle’s post about sharing your blog with friends and family. After reading the comments that it got I realized that it actually is quite common. In the beginning at least. But it is one thing not telling people about your blog but I was terrified of people finding out. I felt like my blog was the only place that I could be myself and share my interests. I felt like it would be like my freedom that would be taken from me. I didn’t want to think “would this be something that my friends would find weird” every time I had to write a blog post. Even though I had this fear I still decided to make an Instagram account. After I had created my Instagram account I slowly started to get my motivation back. I loved all the positive comment that I got and slowly became more comfortable with sharing pictures of myself. First I thought about blocking all my real life friends on there but I didn’t think that any of them would be able to find me. “I mean there are millions of people on Instagram so what is the chance that they will find me?” I thought to myself. Unfortunately, I later discovered that I was wrong. One morning when I checked my phone I saw that one of the guys from my school had started following me. I instantly panicked and blocked him. Fortunately, the guy was really nice and I convinced him not to tell anybody. Then I kind of locked down my Instagram profile. I made it private and refused to share any pictures of my face. All the motivation that I had gotten after making my account quickly disappeared and I got even sadder than I was before. I started noticing that the number of followers on my Instagram profile got smaller and smaller but I thought that it just was how it had to be.
I considered taking a break from blogging. Then I started reading some of my comments and quickly shoot down that idea. Even back in the days (I have only been blogging for a couple of months but you know what I mean) I received positive comments even though I now can see that the content that I made back then wasn’t the best. Bloggers are so supportive of each other and I would be so sad if I had to leave this amazing community. Because honestly, I would rather have supportive friends online than friends that look down on me in real life. Actually, that wouldn’t be friends but just people that I hang out with because friends should support each other instead of making them feel bad about themselves. So thank you for giving me the motivation back! Because after reading the comments I actually got my motivation back. I realized that I shouldn’t be embarrassed about my blog because it is something that I work really hard on and it is something that I really like doing. Of course, the content that I made, in the beginning, wasn’t the best but it is all just a learning process like everything else. I bet that Bill Gates didn’t make Microsoft in his first try. He probably made a ton of other programs before. In the process of making his first programs, he learned what worked and what didn’t. He learned things that he later could use in the making of Microsoft. Usain Bolt couldn’t run that fast in his first try. It was something that he had to learn along the way. And the same counts for blogging. We learn what works and what doesn’t so there is no reason to be embarrassed by something that we made months or years ago because we have learned from the mistakes that we made back then.
After realizing this I am more motivated than ever. I am willing to work hard to make an amazing blog with amazing content and when I am done with my exams I am willing to work even harder. I am not embarrassed by my blog anymore and if people find it so what? It is something that I work hard on and I should be proud of what I have achieved.
I am writing this because writing always has been kind of therapeutic to me. People might suggest that I write in a diary or something instead but I thought that it might be helpful for other bloggers too. Also, I just wanted to give you an explanation on why I have been so distant lately both on my blog and social media.
Thank you so much for all your amazing comments and thank you to Gabrielle for writing the post that helped me get back my motivation!
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